Your Love Never Fails

i'm at a loss for words. 

my thoughts are jumbled. 

i sit here staring at my computer knowing that i need to write a blog, but doing it more out of necessity than desire.  it's just that i am finding it really difficult to put into words the things i have experienced in the last month and a half...

i've seen and felt some really dark stuff.  i've experienced the bondage of a country void of religious freedom.  i've lived in a country so dark that even the stars can't find the light to shine; a country marked by a wall that screams of slavery.

i've walked through the busy streets of thailand. i've seen faces of utter brokenness.  i've looked into the eyes of darkness, felt it's fury, and almost crumbled at its overwhelming presence. 

it's one of those times where words wont do justice to what i have seen.  where words most definitely can't describe what i have felt.  my words fail me.

but my failure, my inadequacy, is what brings me back to my first love.  everything within my own strength will never be enough to heal these nations.  never be enough to heal my own soul.  but, luckily i have arms to run into.  arms of a father, arms of a savior, arms of a healer, arms of a lover.  arms strong enough break down walls.  arms big enough to wrap around brokenness.  arms powerful enough to conquer all evil.  

thankfully, even when my words fail me... His love never fails.

Jump In

Sometimes in life you just have to do things that are ridiculous...

like jumping in the ocean fully dressed.

You see, despite the fact that I am legally of age to be considered an adult, I often feel like I still have the heart of an 8 year old.  But then again, I think maybe that's true for all of us... we just don't allow ourselves to believe it.

Just yesterday we took a stroll to the beach.  We didn't have a whole lot of time, and I had already showered for the day (which is a big deal), so I hadn't planned on getting in the water.  In fact, I was perfectly content just to sit on the beach, digging my toes in the sand, enjoying the beauty around me.

Soon enough, I found myself up to the edge of the water.  As much as I hadn't planned on getting wet, I suddenly had this huge urge to just run and jump in the water.  In fact, I could picture it in my head, I could see myself, just like a young child running straight into the waves, giggling the entire time.  I stood there for a long time and rationalized all the reasons why that would be ridiculous.  First off, I absolutely hate walking around in wet clothes and would undoubtedly not have enough time to dry off. Second, I had on clean clothes (which is pretty rare these days) and I had just recently showered.  Thirdly, there was a huge boat full of people docked at the beach, all of which were already staring at me as I stood at the water's edge, clearly pondering the meaning of life.

I stood there for a long time, just rationalizing with myself again and again... over something to silly.  Then, I realized... sometimes in life, you just have to do things that are ridiculous.

So, I turned around, gave my good friend Alicia a huge grin... and then took off into the water... jumping straight into the waves.. giggling the whole time.

In a crazy way, jumping in the water was another step of freedom.  Too often we let ourselves be restrained by rationalizations of what should be, of what society tells us, of the lies that we have allowed ourselves to believe.  It's time to jump in the water, it's time to break down the walls of legalism, it's time to let yourself free.

So what if I was going to have to walk 15 minutes home in wet clothes, so what I had to be a little bit icky for the rest of the day, so what if my clothes and hair were no longer clean... for that moment in time, as I floated in the water just laughing out loud, I was free.  I could have easily let myself miss out on that experience, out of that joy... but for that day, I chose otherwise!  Just like our relationship with God, sometimes we miss out, sometimes we try to rationalize His greatness, sometimes we don't just let ourselves fall head first into His love.

Are you ready to jump in?

"Daily I live with fear- a healthy fear... that I will miss something God has for me... I don't want to be robbed of even one of God's riches by not taking time to let Him invade my life.  By not listening to what He is telling me.  By allowing the routine, pressing matters of my minutes to bankrupts me of time for the most exciting, most fulfilling relationship in life."

Change of Pace

I can be extremely selfish.  There, I said it.

Sometimes that realization cuts me to the core... mostly because it's true.  Prior to the World Race, I had very few responsibilities outside of myself.  Back in those day, I could do things in my own time, in my own way, and I could control every single detail.  Needless to say, that's not really the case anymore.  Back then, I had a specific pace, and I stuck to it.  I took care of me, I looked out for me, and I only worried about what was best for me.

I think our Christian walk can actually look a lot like this sometimes as well.  We can serve the Lord and still be completely selfish about it.  We constantly fall to our knees in prayer asking God to heal us, to make us whole, to make us better.  We continually ask God for more of His presence in our own life, for more of His blessings, His spirit, and His gifts to fall upon us.  We spend hours pleading our case and only seconds pleading for others.  We spend so much timing making sure we are taken care of, making sure we are looked out for, making sure we are getting what is best.

We spend so much time running life at our own pace.

As some of you may know, I had the opportunity to run a 5k around Manila a couple of weeks ago.  At first I had agreed to run the race with two of my teammates, Alicia & Stacey.  About halfway into the race, I was feeling really good.  It felt so nice to stretch my legs again, to compete in a race again, just to run with a purpose.  I looked over at my teammates and could tell they weren't quite thinking the same thing, they were ready to slow down... but I was ready to plow ahead.  In this moment I made the decision to set my own pace, to move ahead, to push forward for what was best for me.  On the turnaround route there just so happened to be a huge monster of a hill.  The joy I had for running just minutes ago had all but disappeared... my legs were burning, my lungs were screaming, and I was all but ready to just call it a day and start walking.  Just about that time, one of our squad leaders, Lia comes running up the hill behind me.  Just to give you a little background on Lia, running is not just an interest for her, it's a passion.  Needless to say, she could easily run circles around me.  As she approached me from behind, I completely expected her to give me her best encouraging grin and pass on by... but much to my surprise, she ran up beside me and instantly stepped into stride with me.  Without saying any words at all, I knew in that moment she had agreed to run right beside me the rest of the race, all the way through the finish line.  I knew that if I needed to slow down, she would slow down and if I needed to run faster, she would run faster.  She was there to see me through.  She changed her pace for me.

Just through that experience God taught me so much about how I should be living life.  Don't get me wrong, this life is a race, and we should never stop moving... but it's not a competition.  There's no prize at the end.  There is no big medal to be draped around your neck.  There is no glory in finishing first.  The glory is in finishing together.  The glory is in fighting for our brothers and sisters.  The glory is in opening our eyes to the people around us, to running the race beside them, and to doing this thing we call life together!

Let's run this race together.  Are you ready for a change of pace?

Taste of Reality

Reality kicked me in the face yesterday.  And I felt every bit of it.. the shock, the pain, the nausea, the stumbling.  I thought I was prepared.  I thought I was ready to fight.  But the battle snuck up on me... and it all but knocked me out.

I knew coming into Asia that prostitution and trafficking would be present.  It's something we've talked about since day one.  It's a normal topic of conversation when discussing the ministry opportunities on the race.  In fact, it's one of the reasons many of the girls on my squad signed up for this adventure.  It's something that I knew to expect.

But my expectations absolutely failed me.  

While walking along the beach yesterday, I saw this injustice first hand... and it absolutely blind sided me.  I was nauseous, I was broken, I was hurting.  I wanted to scoop up this young girl, look her in the eyes and tell her over and over again that she was loved and that she was worthy of so much more!  I wanted to stare that man in the eyes (after I got over the urge to punch him) and ask him who hurt him, who left him so empty, who broke him.  I just wanted them both to know that there was more... so, so, so much more.

I stumbled my way past.  I took in a deep breath.  I regained my composure and I was reminded that my God is big enough even for this.  This place, despite its breathtaking beauty, is a dark place... but my God is so full of light!  It's time to hit our knees in prayer!  It's time to fight!  It's time for us to prophesy life over the death in this world.  It's time for the nations to see and feel the presence of His love!  It's time for injustices to be broken!  It's time for His promises to be fulfilled. It's time for HIS radiance to shine! 

"Arise!  Let your light shine for all to see.  For the Glory of the Lord rises to shine on you.  Darkness as black as night covers all the nations of the earth, but the glory of the Lord rises and appears over you.  All nations will come to your light; mighty kings will come to see your radiance."  Isaiah 60:1-3

The Journey

Some days I can't believe this is my life. 

In the past 3 days I have flown over 17 hours, passed through over 6 different time zones, and suffered from a severe case of jet lag.  In the past 3 days I have given up caffeine (we'll see how long that lasts!), ran a 5k through the Philippines, and gotten an hour long massage for 4 dollars!  My life is so random, and so crazy... and yet I absolutely love it!

Some days I can't believe that in the past 7 months I have lived on 4 different continents and been in 12 different countries.  Seriously, who does that?  What is even harder to believe is that now I can't imagine life any other way.  I can't imagine life without community. I can't imagine life without poverty.  I can't imagine life without my my beautiful, spirit filled, crazy, prophetic family of 64 people known as the "P-SQUAD".   

My life has changed so drastically in the past 7 months.  I think, speak, and process so differently.  The baby I was 7 months ago has grown up.  My heart yearns for things I never thought it would before.  My life will absolutely never be the same, and for that I am so thankful.

This journey for me hasn't ever really been about finding Jesus.  I found Him a long time ago.  This journey instead has been about learning to surrender, to listen, to speak, to trust, and to love in a way that I never knew was possible.  This journey has been about being exposed to and equipped for whatever God has in store for me after this race comes to an end.  I don't have a clue what the final 4 months will look like (seriously, only 4 months left?!), but I know that my God is a God of great adventure... so I can only imagine what he has in store!

Here's to a new month, a new country, a new continent, and a new season. 

 "It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be full of Me!"

Follow

My bags are packed.  It's time to move on once again, not only to another country but onto another continent.  Usually about this time I start getting antsy to leave.  Usually, I am ready for the chance of pace and the excitement of a new adventure.

...but this month is very different.  

This month I can't help but think of all the people I am leaving behind.  This month I can't help but think about all the great and wonderful things that I will not have the opportunity be a part of.  This month I can't help but think of all the friends that will now be an ocean away.  This month it feels almost like leaving home again.

I think i've known for a long time that I had a heart for Africa, but that I just played it off as being the typical missionary place to go.  Then two months ago, I finally get here and after struggling through those months I was honestly kind of ready to leave.  Don't get me wrong, it had been a great experience, an irreplaceable experience... but one I was not really all that sad to see come to an end.  I had changed my mind about this Africa, I had decided it was not at all what I had expected, and again just thought that I had bought into the cliche of being a missionary here.

Then God brought me to Cape Town.

I never would have realized that in 18 days I would be able to feel like part of a community.  That I would develop lasting relationships.  That I would have such a yearning and a desire to see the hope of these people become reality.  Something about this place has definitely stolen my heart and I can't wait to see what exactly God has planned.  

"Where you lead me... I will follow."

Stolen Heart

Cape Town has officially stolen my heart.  

Not only is it one of the most beautiful places in the world, the people here are absolutely incredible.  Cape Town is this crazy and wonderful mix of civilized culture meets traditional Africa.  

This month we have been hugely blessed.  My team and I have been working with an American couple, Andy & Leigh Myers (www.reachingcapetown.com).  Andy, Leigh, and their beautiful daughter Norah moved here from Vermont just about 7 months ago.  They both have a huge passion for the youth here in Cape Town, and have been working largely through an organization called Africa Jam.  The focus of this organization is to serve high-school age youth in some of the most economically disadvantaged townships in South Africa's Cape region. Young people in these areas regularly encounter violence, hunger, drug use, sexual temptation and the perils of HIV/AIDS and need help building self-esteem, developing life skills, and establishing a promising future.

Andy & Leigh have an intense passion for these teenagers.  They dedicate a huge amount of their time just hanging out with these kids, loving on them, and exposing them to real family.  One township that has really stolen their hearts is Khayelitsha.  Just for some background information, Khayelitsha is reputed to be one of the largest and fastest growing townships in South Africa, housing at least 500,000 black African residents.  This township was established in the 80's, during the apartheid when a large number of people were forcefully relocated to the outskirts of Cape Town.  Many houses in Khayelitsha are made up of nothing more than scrap metal.  Poverty has largely infiltrated this community.  But, hidden in this community are lights.  Hidden in this community are beautiful, God seeking, passionate teenagers and young adults with hearts that truly beat for our Lord.  

Those of you that know me know that I have a passion for this type of population.  God has richly, richly blessed my life.  God has showered me with love, with grace, and with a huge amount of stability... and I truly believe He has done so in order for me to be that for other people.  During the race, God has only intensified and expanded my love for this population, and this month I have definitely gotten the opportunity to extend that love.  This month I have been able to stand along side these precious, amazingly talented, beautiful children of God.  I have been able to sit and listen to their life stories, I have been able to spend time in intense worship with them (and trust me, they know how to rock out for Jesus!), and I have been able to join with them in prayer, allowing them to reclaim their identity in Christ and as a generation of world changers.  

Cape Town has stolen my heart.