It's still very hard for me to comprehend the fact the lifestyle that I am living now is one that I am going to be experiencing each and every day for the next 11 months. I'm not going to lie... it's ridiculously overwhelming from time to time. These past two weeks have felt more like two months, and therefore 11 months seems like a lifetime. I have moments where I so much miss the comforts of home, I have mornings when I wake up and all I would really like to do is jump on a plane ride back home...
...and then God gracefully reminds me that my purpose in life is so much greater than just who I am. That it's time to grow up, to look beyond myself, and realize that a life simply catered to my own needs was never really an option. God created each of us with intricate details, with plan, and with a purpose... and it was never a purpose of spending a life chasing after our own desires, that's a purpose we created all on our own.
So, every morning I throw in the towel... I give up, I let go, I give in.
If you know me at all, you can only imagine how this kind of attitude completely clashes with my relentless stubbornness. Many days, it just feels like am giving up control, that I am losing my independence, that I am having to just lay down and let someone else win... and oh, how it hurts.
But the pain is humbling. The pain is rewarding. And the pain is purposeful. The pain is a reminder that I can't ever do this on my own. The pain means that just like the people of Guachupita, I myself still very much need the Healer.