as i sit here typing on my big comfy couch, wrapped up in a blanket, sitting in front of a television too big for my own good, with the smell of home cooked food in the air, i can't help but feel on edge. so little has changed. and yet this time around i feel so out of place.
as i looked into my closet yesterday, the abundance made me utterly nauseous. the fact that i happened to have 7 different bottles of shampoo in my shower didn't help. in just a few hours after getting home, i quickly found my big, red, beaten up backpack looking luxurious again. part of me desperately wanted to just throw my three outfits and two pairs of shoes in the bag and call it a day.
but, this is reality. this is my home. these are my people.
and while i find it overwhelming to try to figure out how the person i now am fits into the world of who i once was, i know that i'm here right now for a reason. i now have a story to tell. i now have words that can't go unspoken. and there are so many people that deserve to hear it. more, even so, that need to hear it.
so, after spending the whole day sorting through and downsizing my entire wardrobe, i think i have regained a small bit of my sanity... for the time being anyway. i'm not quite ready to face the world (or go shopping in walmart), but hopefully i'll get there eventually.
because this story is BIG, and my world needs to hear it.