Current State: Uncertain

oh, july.  you are proving to be quite an interesting month.

in the past two weeks, i’ve spent around 22 hours on the road, been in 5 different states and slept in 6 different beds.  sadly enough,  life almost feels normal again.

last week i met up with my world race family in the woods of tennessee to shake up another group of world changers as they got a small taste of the kingdom journey they are about to embark on.  we sang, we danced, we cried, we laughed... and, just as promised, the Holy Spirit showed up in a mighty big way.  i ran around like a mad woman all week long; loving, serving, praying, and enjoying the ridiculously amazing community that is my world race family.  very little sleep was had, but it was absolutely worth every minute of being there.  those are my people, hands down.

after saying another round of “see ya when I see ya” I headed even farther south to alabama for a week on the beach with the family.  RELAXATION.  finally.  or so i thought.

day one of vacation, i crack my tooth.  awesome.  shouldn’t be too bad, right?  i’ll get it taken care of when i get back home.  wrong... by day two my whole upper jaw is throbbing.  i try to tough it out, thinking a nap out on the beach should do the trick.  45 minutes later i was literally crawling back to the room and dialing the phone number of the first dentist i could find.  so much for relaxation.  to add to that, the next open appointment they have is the following morning.  a whole night of intense throbbing pain.  excellent.  this news may have warranted me to extend the normal dosage for ibuprofen that evening, but did in fact make it through the night.

day three of my relaxing beach vacation and i find myself sitting in the local dentist office.  two x-rays, a poking around, and $87 later they send me off with two prescriptions and advice to see my dentist when i get home.  yup.  that just happened.  the only upside, one prescription is for a strong dosage of hydrocodone.  hollar!  maybe i will get some rest after all.  or at least be able to forget about the fact that when i get home, i will have an expensive dental appointment to schedule.  did i mention that i have no dental insurance?  more drugs, please?

day four turned out quite well.  that of it which i managed to stay awake.  day five was even proving to be off to a good start, made it all the way though dinner before the next catastrophe; dropping my two week old iPhone on the pavement and cracking the entire screen.  shattered.  completely.  definitely wishing i had found the otter box a more important investment.  oops.

another expense to add to the list, so it seems.  and as i all but banged my head against my car door, i couldn't help but wonder how in the world i was going to pay for all of this.  the term “poor missionary” was now becoming much more of a reality, and before i knew it i sat there questioning my future.  is money going to be a constant battle?  am i ridiculous for thinking that all the things i will ever need will just be provided?  is this sort of life actually do-able?

in that moment, i was reminded of the words of prophecy spoken over me throughout the year.  words from my teammates, words from friends back home, words from women in south africa, words from a korean women in malaysia.  all confirming God’s call on my life.  that i am called to something greater.  something bigger.  something that doesn’t make sense in the mind of man.

so, despite the unrelaxing state of my vacation, despite the nagging pain in my upper left jaw, despite the disabling of my connection to the outside world... i choose not to be discouraged.  i choose not to be overwhelmed.  i choose rest.  i choose peace.  i choose to trust in the provision of my Papa.  

i am well aware that this promise of provision may not look anything like i think that it should, but i also know that it’s a promise He intends to keep.

“and my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4.19)